All I Want For Christmas Is A CrossDresser
by xElementFivex
Summary: Christmas is approaching and that means it's time to meet the parents. The only problem? Matt kinda, sorta told his parents Mello was a chick. It might actually work... with a dress, makeup, and a Christmas miracle, that is.
1. Chapter 1

**I know, I know, I know, I started up a bunch of other stories that I should be updating instead of starting something else. But never fear, updates are in the works! I just wanted to get this one out before the Christmas season started up!**

**Dedicated to my own real-life Mello, the reason I think these stupid things up in the first place.**

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The holidays: one of the best times of the year. A time of family and close friends, gingerbread and candy canes. A time for peace on earth and good will towards men.

And, if you happened to be a six foot tall blonde named Mello, it was a time for sex. Lots and lots of sex. Birthday sex, cold-weather sex, Christmas Eve sex, I'm-sorry-I-didn't-get-you-a-present-but-the-mafia-keeps-me-very-busy sex…. All in all, the holidays were a good time for Mello. And this year he was going one step further, this year he was looking to join the mile-high club. If only Matt would stop being such a huge buzzkill.

"Come on, Matt! Live a little," Mello whispered none-too-conspicuously to the redhead seated next to him.

"For the last time!" Matt hissed back at him. "I am not having sex with you in the airplane bathroom! What is wrong with you?"

"Oh, come on," Mello said, running a finger down Matt's arm, "It's not any different than that one time we did it at the mall. Remember, in that changing room? That was hot." The woman seated next to Matt let out a small splutter of indignation and shot the pair a disapproving glance from behind her newspaper. Mello met her eyes head on. "Got a problem?" Her mouth twitched as if she was about to say something, but she opted instead to raise her paper, cutting off her view. "Yeah, that's what I thought." Mello said loudly. Matt groaned and buried his face in his hands.

Mello pushed his lower lip out a bit and said, "You know you want to Matt…."

The redhead shifted his hands and stared with one bright-green eye through the gap in his fingers. "No," was the muffled reply. Matt let his hands drop into his lap. "We're on our way to see my parents. No way am I having sex on the plane ride there."

"What the fuck do your parents have to do with it?"

"I haven't seen my parents in almost a year, Mello. I can't go and hug my mom if I've just-" Matt glanced around quickly, and lowered his voice even more, "-had sex! I feel like they'll be able to tell!"

"That's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard, Matt. Now I-," Mello undid the latch on his seat belt, "-am going to go to the bathroom. I've got a mean hard-on, and _hopefully_ I won't have to take care of it by myself."

Matt shot another quick glance around. "Here?" he whispered fiercely. "What the hell?"

"What can I say?" said Mello, standing. He was able to quite fully unfold his lanky body in the small space of airplane cabin, and instead had to settle for stooping slightly. "The thought of sex in a public place just gets me all riled up." He grinned recklessly at Matt, who once again covered his face with his hands in hopes that if he stayed like that long enough the plane would land and he wouldn't have to deal with this.

While Matt was busy contemplating the best way to commit suicide inconspicuously on a crowded plane, Mello was picking his way the ridiculously tiny aisles to the even more ridiculously tiny bathroom. After smacking his head twice, he managed to get in and shut the door to appraise the small space. It would be a tight squeeze, but –he smirked- he and Matt could manage it. Now if only that boy would hurry the fuck up.

Mello leaned in close to the bathroom's little mirror, adjusting stray pieces of his blonde hair. He wasn't worried, he knew Matt well enough. There was no way the gamer could hold out for long. Mello's smirk died a little on his lips as his hand ghosted over the top most portion of the scar on his face. Fucking mafia. He quickly swallowed to try and get rid of the sudden unpleasant taste in his mouth, and smoothed his bangs more forcibly over his forehead, effectively masking the place where his hairline started a good inch higher than it used to.

_Matt's taking you to meet his fucking parents, _he reassured himself. _He's not ashamed of you, so get the fuck over yourself Mello, and give the vanity a rest._ If only it were that easy.

Mello was distracted from his introspection as the door behind him flew open and smacked him in the back. He grunted in pain as Matt attempted to squeeze his own spindly body into the small space and shut the door behind him, twisted the sign to occupied. For some reason, Matt was carrying an unopened can of soda, which he quickly tossed in the small sink before turning to face Mello.

Mello grinned. "I knew you'd change your mind, Matt. Just can't resist me." He made a move to kiss the redhead, but Matt put a hand up in front of his face.

"I'm still not going to have sex with you," he said quickly. "I actually have something I needed to talk to you about, and this is at least more private than out there."

"What the hell, Matt!" Mello sighed in exasperation. "Is this still about your parents? You're twenty-two, I'm sure they know you have a sex life. In fact," he raised his eyebrows at Matt. "If you were as much as loser in high school as you are now, they'd probably be thrilled to know you're not still a virgin. I mean, it's nice to know that even a social recluse can still get a guy as hot as me."

"Thanks for that," Matt said. "But your cheap shot at my sex life aside, we actually do need to discuss something."

Mello frowned. It wasn't like Matt to be so serious. "What's up?"

"Well I sort of…," Matt fidgeted in the small space, cracking his knuckles nervously. "I might have… well you see the thing is…"

"For the love of God, Matt, spit it out!"

"My parents don't really know I'm gay… and I sort of… toldthemyouwereagirl," he finished in a rush, and then immediately glued his sight to the ground to avoid eye contact.

"Come again?"

"I um… told my parents you were a chick?"

Mello's eyes widened in surprise for a split second, and then narrowed dangerously. "You did WHAT?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Matt said, finally meeting Mello's eyes. "I just lsot my nerve, and I couldn't tell them, so I said I was bringing my girlfriend home for the holidays!"

"Uh-huh," said Mello. "And what are you planning to do when we actually see them, Matt? I'm pretty sure they're gonna notice that missing X chromosome pretty quickly."

"Well, I figured- and don't get mad at this-," Matt flinched when Mello's eye started twitching in anger. "It's just… you've got that hair, and I thought that maybe you could pretend-"

"I am positive that you don't want to finish that sentence, Matt."

"-to be a girl. Just for a week, to convince my parents?"

The twitch in Mello's right eye became more pronounced, and Matt could swear he saw sparks shooting from it. "No."

"Please, Mello? This is really, really important to me!"

"No! Just tell your parents you're gay! Be a man about it!"

"No! I can't!"

"I'm not dressing like a girl!"

Matt sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger in frustration. "I didn't want it to come to this. But…," he exhaled slowly. "If you do this for me… I'll do that thing you've been wanting to do."

Mello tilted his head to the side in confusion. "Thing?"

"You know…," Matt leaned forward and whispered in Mello's ear.

"You will?" Mello practically screeched. "Fuck yes! I'm pretty sure that's illegal in fifteen different states. Fine, you've got yourself a deal. I'll pretend to be your girlfriend, and in return you'll-"

"Yeah, yeah, I got it." Matt didn't sound all too happy. But at least he had finally gotten Mello to agree to his plan. Now for the hard part. "The thing is… you have to be convincing. And you wear your clothes kind of tight… so umm, I brought you this." Matt reached into his jacket, and like some sort of magical trans-gender magician, pulled a wadded up piece of material that he quickly shook out, revealing a mid-thigh black dress with spaghetti straps.

"You've got to be kidding me."

"It's all I could fit in my jacket."

"I said I'd pretend to be a chick, but I never said anything about wearing a dress. There's no way in hell that I'm putting that on."

"Yeah… I was afraid of that." And in one quick movement, Matt reached into the sink, scooped up the can of soda he had deposited there earlier, popped open the tab, and dumped the lukewarm liquid directly down Mello's front.

"WHAT THE FUCK, MATT!"

"I'm really sorry Mello!" said Matt, sounding more scared of Mello's retribution than actually sorry. The redhead shoved the dress into Mello's hands, and scrambled to open the door and stumble out of the small bathroom, smacking his head on the door on the way out.

Mello stood stock-still for several minutes, his gaze traveling from his soda-soaked clothes, to the ridiculous dress in front his arms, all the while cursing Matt out with every obscene word he knew, in every language he could think of. "Fuck it," he finally said, and throwing the last of his dignity away, he stripped down to his boxers, slipped the dress over head. Gathering his damp clothes in a ball, he shoved the door open, squared his shoulders and made his way past several shocked flight attendants and back to his seat. He could feel his neck starting to turn red under the intensity of the stares he was receiving. From the corner of his eye, he saw the lady from earlier lower her newspaper, and stare at him with wide eyes. Again, he met her stare. "WHAT?" She quickly disappeared behind her newspaper again. "Oh god," Mello muttered, sliding down in his seat and putting a hand over his eyes. "Kill me now."

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**Hope you enjoyed this beginning.**

**Let me know what you thought. =]**


	2. Chapter 2

**This story is now being beta-ed by the lovely Middle-Earth Muggle. **

**Enjoy.**

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"This isn't gonna work, this isn't gonna work. This is so not gonna work!" Matt paced furiously up and down the faded green carpeting of the airport terminal, hands running intermittently through his red hair, leaving it mussed and standing on end. "Why did I think this was going to work?" he asked himself furiously, eyes darting back and forth in panic before settling on Mello, who was slouched in a hard, plastic seat, giving Matt his best 'I love you, but right now nothing would give me more pleasure than to watch you die a horrible, painful death on the surface of the sun' glare. "Good lord Mello, at least close your damn legs when you're in a dress!"

Mello narrowed his eyes and pushed his knees together. "Hey Matt, here's an idea. Why don't you yell a little louder? I think there are still some people over in the gift shop who haven't heard you yet." The reply came in the form of the redhead groaning and sinking into a half-crouching position, hands still firmly lodged in his hair.

At that moment, an airline employee who had been watching Matt's furious display of pacing approached. With a tone rather like she was talking to a five-year-old, she attempted to ask Matt, "Sir, is everything alright?"

"He's fine," Mello said with a dismissive wave. "He's just having some trouble coming to terms with his newfound idiocy. "

The woman did a double take in Mello's direction. "Oh, well, if you're sure… ma'am." The slight uplift in her voice made the last word into more of a question than a statement. Mello scowled and Matt let out another piteous groan as the woman hurried away.

Mello sighed and pinched the bridge of nose, closing his eyes in frustration. "Okay, okay, I can see this is killing you, Matt. And- oh, god I hate myself for saying this- I'll do my best okay? I mean, as much fun as it would be to watch your head just explode-" Matt's face had indeed been slowly turning an alarming scarlet color throughout this whole ordeal, "-I know this means a lot to you. It can't be that hard to pass off as a girl anyway, right? I can learn to sit like a lady and stuff."

Matt looked up at Mello from his spot on the floor, eyes wide. "I think we've got bigger problems than your posture right now, Mello."

"Are they bigger than the fact that I have a penis?"

Matt grimaced and let his gaze travel downwards and settle near Mello's boots. Mello's eyes followed his stare with confusion. He didn't get it. Was it the boots? He was no expert on women's fashion, but they didn't seem completely out of place. Was it- "Wait," Mello said his eyes widening. "I take it back. No, no, no, no, no. I see what you're getting after Matt. I'm not doing it. I refuse."

"Mello, you have to!" Matt's voice was rising in pitch and intensity with every syllable, and his eyes were getting that kicked-puppy look that Mello hated. No one should be able to make those eyes, especially a man that was allergic to dogs. "If you don't, this definitely won't work!"

"I am already in a dress for you, Matt. And in case you've forgotten, I just agreed to pretend to be a girl for the entire week while we stay with your parents for Christmas even after you refused to have hot airplane-bathroom sex with me! I'll even learn to sit like a girl if that's what I have to do, but I refuse, abso-fucking-lutely refuse to shave my legs."

"What am I supposed to do?" hissed Matt. The mention of his parents seemed to have breathed some life back into Matt. He stood up to his full height, towering over the still-seated Mello. "Introduce you to my parents and say, 'Hey Mom, Dad. This is my girlfriend, Sasquatch.'?"

"If that's what it takes, then yes." Mello retorted, pushing himself up out the chair to stand in front of Matt, folding his arms and staring Matt down. "Besides, it's winter. Why would I be showing my legs anyway? Can't I just wear some pants?"

"It's winter, yeah," Matt responded. "_In Texas._ It's like, eighty-five degrees out there!"

"No shit?" said Mello, raising his eyebrows. "That's way too hot for December."

"Concentrate!" shrieked Matt suddenly. "My parents could be here to pick us up any second! Why didn't we rent a car? Oh god…" Matt resumed his pacing, but then a thought appeared to strike him. He looked up at Mello, but this time he didn't look so much like a puppy- actually, he looked a little bit evil. "Mello. What about the thing?"

"The thing?"

"You know. That thing I promised to do. You wouldn't want to miss out on that… now would you?"

"I put on the dress. You have to do it, Matt."

Matt sidled up to Mello and waved his finger in front of his face. "Nuh-uh. The deal was that you would pretend to be my girlfriend. But if you're not believable, then I don't think I should have to do it."

Mello exhaled loudly. "You can't just make up rules as you go along. I'm pretty sure the universe considers that cheating."

Matt held up his hands- a clear sign of defeat. "Okay then, Mello," he said, backing away, "Take off the dress. We can introduce you as a boy. But I'm not doing that thing." He folded his arms and stared at the blonde. Mello stared back. A long silence stretched between the two.

Twenty minutes and one very confused gift shop cashier later, Mello stood in the men's bathroom, one legged propped up on the sink, once again emptying his arsenal of curse words to the surrounding air. "Fuck you, Matt," he muttered under his breath, as he dragged a plastic, disposable razor up his foam-covered leg.

The door to the restroom suddenly banged open, and an older man, busy readjusting his glasses stepped in. He seemed to take a moment to fully absorb the situation in front of him, his brow scrunching in confusion. His gaze switched rapidly from Mello's propped leg, the pink razor in his hand, and Matt leaning nonchalantly against the wall, fiddling idly with his DS.

"What?" Mello barked, drawing the man's full attention. He seemed to be saying that to strangers a lot today. "You never seen a man shave his legs before?" The man spluttered, searching for an answer. "Get the fuck out." Mello said, using the voice he usually only reserved for talking to his mafia subordinates. It worked. The man took one last confused glance at the blonde and hightailed it out of there, probably on his way to go tell everyone he knew about what he had just seen.

"Goddammit," Mello muttered, and continued his depressing emasculation. While Mello slowly shaved away what was left of his manhood, he let his mind wander to a happier place- thinking of all the things that he could do to Matt for revenge. He could throw away his video game systems- or better yet, he could smash them. He could bury Matt alive. He could toss him into a pot of boiling tar and feather him.

No. None of that was good enough. No revenge would be enough to combat shaved legs.

"You do realize you're plotting out loud right?"

"Oh yeah," said Mello, raising his eyebrows. "I know. Believe me, I know. There!" He tossed the razor in the sink and wiped his legs down with a paper towel. "I'm done. Are you fucking happy, man?" He stared at his smooth legs in something akin to horror. "I feel naked."

Matt cleared his throat nervously. "So, this probably isn't a great time to mention it… but you should probably do your under-arms too." He cringed, waiting for retaliation.

Mello's eyelid twitched dangerously. "Wh-," he started to say, when the Zelda theme song interrupted him. Matt jumped a little in surprise and then dug through his pocket for his cell phone. The redhead's eyes widened as he stared at the lit screen, before shakily holding the phone to his ear. "Hi, Mom," he said, swallowing heavily. "Yeah, uh-huh, we'll be there. Thanks, bye." He slid the phone shut. "Change of plans," Matt said, meeting Mello's eyes with a desperate look. "Just take my jacket. My parents are here. Oh god, this had better work."

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**Reviews? I always want to know what you guys think, so I can improve my writing. =]**


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